Self-care as radical act

I'm going through a re-framing of my high-femme tendencies. As a fat queer woman of color in this society, there really is no way for me to keep politics out of my physical presentation. Decisions about how I wear my hair, what hair I choose to leave and what I choose to remove, how much make-up I choose to wear (and what colors!) and the outfits I pick out----all of these and more bring with them political baggage, consequences, involvement, thought.

So.

So, I mostly embrace the idea of the political being personal and vice versa. Yes, it can be a real bummer, this idea that I can't just decide to wear my hair straight for a few days simply because I like the feel of it across my shoulders. But it is also liberating to see when self-care and gender expression/performance is a way I leave my stamp on my world, and expression of my politics, my art and my heart.

Tonight, while I was in the shower, I was struck how some forms of the self care I perform are actual kind of radical. I was taking extra care and time to exfoliate and moisturize my skin, as it's winter and my skin is prone to dryness and, well, I kind of like just spending a little time with my skin. I have a new body polish (really, it's just a basic sugar scrub) and it's all sweet smelling and yummy. It felt radical and luxurious to spend time polishing the skin over areas my culture likes to call my "trouble spots." I massaged the scrub in and let the warm water wash away the sugar crystals and bubble up on the oils and I thought about how I want to make sure these places---my big, round belly covered in stretch marks, my pendulous breasts, my substantial ass, my solid strong thunder thighs----I wanted to make sure these places, all favorites of my lover and partner, were soft and smooth and smelled good and felt good, tasted good. These are large expanses of skin and I spend a lot of time reveling in or thinking about the pleasure all those nerve endings bring me. I want that skin to feel as good to my own touch as it does to my lovers.

I'm supposed to hate my body. My stretch marks, my bulky and bulgy and jiggly and flabby bits are supposed to disgust me. These are supposed to be places I avoid thinking about, looking at, letting other people see or touch or, gasp!, enjoy. It is so incredibly joyously empowering to scrub that shit off. Seriously.

Straight hair!

So, in the past few months I've learned a lot about straightening my hair. Keys to success with my hair (YMMV):

Wear hair in braids or bun with lots of leave in conditioner the day before
Heat protection spray. I'm using



and I love it.
High heat ceramic plated straightening iron (I don't blow dry, it's too damaging. Plus, I don't own a blow dryer. lol) I'm using this iron, from Sally Beauty Supply.



One to two passes, with a comb in front, through each section of hair.

A wee bit of this, or a drop of olive oil, each morning:

Protective style for sleeping.

Do not wash for several days (the longer, the better it seems since it gives my hair a chance to rebuild its own oils)

Results!

Mani Update

I should do these on Mondays and they can be Mani Mondays and I can rewrite that Bangles song with a bunch of cheesy lyrics about cuticles and top coats.

Anyhoo, here's the mani I did last night. I followed this awesome tutorial from cutepolish at youtube. I highly recommend her, btw. Her tutorials are short, easy and fun.

Office/Craft Room Ideas

Just a place to organize some of these thoughts:

Turquoise/vibrant blue shades (table top, linens, wall art)

white & chocolate brown accents (shelves, trim, desk)

neutral/sand backdrop (walls & carpet)

fairy lights in work area, or on display wall

Lighting

~under-shelf round lights cheaper at Lowe's than Ikea

~tall skinny lamps! with bright color shades!

Cords & such

~hang strip on wall

~cord hider tubes at Ikea

Stuff I Can't Buy

So, I'm saving up for a new computer (imac) and for furniture for my home office (I work from home). But all the youtube beauty vloggers are putting out their Best of 2010 videos so I'm compiling a list of things I want. I figure if I keep it all in one spot, I can maybe see about splurging here and there while I save up for the stuff I actually need. lol Also, I know that sometimes I feel like I need something right now but if I wait a couple of weeks, I won't want it quite so badly anymore and I can move it off the list in favor of things I really still love. So:

Hard Candy (Is there anywhere besides EvilMart that sells this?)

~Blush Crush in Pin-Up or Honeymoon ($5-6)

~Bronzer in Tiki ($5-6)

Wet N Wild

~eyeshadow palette in Walking On Eggshells ($5)

NYX

~Black eyeshadow ($4)

FitMe by Maybelline

~foundation ($7)

~concealer ($6)

~setting powder ($7)

These are all drug store things. I'm not really lusting after anything high-end at this moment, but I'm sure that will change!

I'd also love some new clothes, maybe some long sleeve shirts as everything I own is tank tops and cardigans. I'm not even going to go looking for that, though. Sigh. I wish I were independently wealthy. I'd totally still bargain shop, I'd just do a LOT more of it!

Long time no blog

Sorry about the long absence. I packed up my family and all our belongings and moved us all to North Carolina. New house, new schools, new job, tons of new furniture. Stuff has been busy, and good!

Yeah, whatever, on to the girly stuff!

I'm way into makeup now and I'm having a ton of fun. I want to get some vlogs with reviews and tutorials up because I'm spending a good bit of time (and some $$) on trying different products and lines to find just what I want. However, my mac's charger/adapter died and so I'm using the dude's old laptop and I've no idea how to film/edit on here (not that I did much editing on my mac anyway).

Right now I'm really looking for a good foundation routine. I had been wearing a tinted moisturizer from Wet n' Wild and while I was really liking it, it wasn't giving me the coverage I was really looking for. I watched a bunch of videos and read some reviews and decided to give Revlon coverstay liquid foundation a try. It's inexpensive and got some really great reviews for a drugstore brand. So far, I like it but I'm not in love. The color is a bit off, so I might try a lighter shade and try to blend them together to get that right. I bought the one for normal to dry skin and I still feel like it is drying. My face feels a bit tight when it's on and my skin seems to really soak up my moisturizer when I clean it off at night. :/ I may try some more expensive options after the new year.

I feel like I have a lot of eye shadows, liners and brushes I like so I should probably do a full review of those.

I'm still really learning how to use blush effectively but when I do it well, I love the look! I got a little sampler kit from Tarte and it came with this awesome cheek stain. It's gorgeous! So I'm playing with that a bit and figuring out how it works.

Lipstick is hit or miss with me. Some days I really nail it bust most days I feel like my color and gloss choices are close-but-no-cigar, yk? Learning curve!

My nails are doing awesome! I broke a few over the last couple of weeks (housework, I shake my fist at you!) but I think I've got a good length now and a good routine for care and manis.

I think that covers most of the major stuff I've been doing for cosmetics.

Oh! I bought a straightener and ironed my hair. Wore it straight for a couple of days. It's a ton of work but it's fun to have such a different look. I definitely don't want to do that very often, but it's nice to have the option for a big change like that. My curls are doing well with the plopping and smoothing routines so not much change on that front.

I got a ton of new clothes, mainly office wear as I was training for the new job and had meetings and interviews and whatnot. Discovered that Ross is a totally fucking awesome place for fat chicks. Totally great cheap dresses. I own several pairs of shoes now that are NOT flip flops so that's a new thing. lol I may have to get some pics or videos of my outfits and shoes up.

Ok, I've babbled long enough. I think I've caught up on the major bits anyway.

Omgomgomg! Hair breakthough!!!

I found something that really really really works for my hair!

Before. It was hard to find a before pic because I almost always do my photo shoots with wet hair because I hate my hair. :lol This pic is old, but this is generally what my hair looks like dry. You can also see the threading improvements to my eyebrows in these pics. :)


After!!
Please to ignore my after-work tiredness. Look at how tight my curls are!!! And note lack of frizz!!




A close up of some of the curl definition

Duh, me. The method I used is in this video here:

It's called "smoothing" and it's about 1/2 way down. It took about 10 minutes. 10 minutes!!!! And no product beyond cheap suave conditioner. And my curls are tight and bouncy and soft and shiny.